Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Habits To Follow For A Successful Marriage – Bisi Adewale


Habits To Follow For A Successful Marriage 
By  Bisi Adewale 
(A) LOVE-CHECKED TONGUE
Let love control your mouth; highly successful couples learn how to say the “bitter truth” in a loving way without hurting their spouses. Do not just talk, talk with love. No matter how angry you are, never speak to hurt, never speak to pull down; let your tongue be a builder at home and never be a killer.
(B) DONATE PLEASURE : Most people give only hurts to their spouses, but highly successful couples are pleasure to their spouses. Always ask yourself this question before you do anything “Is what I’m about to do or say going to cause my spouse pain or pleasure?” .If you are sure it will give pleasure, go ahead and do it. A successful marriage is simply a marriage where parties involved have mastered the art of giving pleasure to each other.

Monday, 12 May 2014

THE POOR HUSBAND, THE RICH WIFE AND BOKO HARAM - Femi Fani-Kayode


THE POOR HUSBAND, THE RICH WIFE AND BOKO HARAM
By  Femi Fani-Kayode
I have nothing against the Islamic faith. As a matter of fact some of my most loyal friends are practising Muslims. There are many Muslims in my family and my maternal great grandmother was an illustrious Fulani woman from the Muslim core north. I do however believe that there is a world of difference between a true Muslim and an Islamist.
The former is a humble worshipper of God who seeks to peacefully and piously live his life in accordance with the dictates of his faith and in true harmony with his neighbour. He is tolerant, reasonable, rational and God-fearing.
The latter is the opposite. He is an Islamic fundamentalist and an extremist who seeks to impose his will and his own understanding and interpretation of Islam on others by compulsion, intimidation, violence and terror.

The overwhelming majority of Muslims in Nigeria today fall into the former category but there is a small and growing minority that sadly fall into the latter. That group constitute those that we describe today as Boko Haram and they have been waging a relentless and brutal war of terror against the Nigerian state and people for the last few years.
They are indeed the enemy within. The question is what should our collective response be to these men of violence and blood. That, together with the a cursory analysis of how we got into this mess and the way out of it is the topic of this essay.
Some are of the view that we ought to enter some form of dialogue with Boko Haram and that this would eventually solve the problem. My younger brother, Mujahid Asari Dokubo, enunciated that position rather well in an article titled ''How To Address The Boko Haram Problem In Nigeria'' (25th June, 2011) .
He suggested that President Goodluck Jonathan should enter into negotiations with the islamist terrorist group as quickly as possible regardless of the fact that they themselves have made it clear that they are not interested in any form of dialogue with the government and that they have murdered thousands of innocent and defenceless Nigerian men, women and children in the last three years alone. I respectfully beg to differ with Dokubo on this issue and indeed with all those that share this view.
In my view the solution is simple to the Boko Haram problem is simple. They must be utterly crushed by the Nigerian state and certainly not negotiated with. This is because in any serious society there can never be dialogue, compromise or any form of negotiation with terrorists whilst they are still carrying arms and waging war against the state and the people. Worst still there can be no compromise with those that seek to forcefully establish a 6th century Islamic fundamentalist caliphate in our country and those that seek to impose their strange and outdated values on each and everyone of us.
Worst still there is no doubt in my mind that Boko Haram is part of the world-wide Al Qaeda-sponsored ''global jihad'' and if we give them one inch they will definitely take a mile. We cannot afford to have peace with them on any terms or peace with them at the cost of our hard-earned civil liberties, liberal and cherished values, plural and multi-cultural society and modern way of life.
There must come a time when we as a people can boldly say ''enough is enough'' and when we draw the line in the sand. And if Boko Haram crosses that line they must be confronted by the full force of the Nigerian Armed Forces who must be ready, willing and able to unleash hell on them regardless of the collateral damage and immense infrastructural destruction that this will cause in various parts of our country.

President Olusegun Obasanjo did this decisively and with ruthless efficiency in the town of Odi in the Niger Delta area a number of years ago with remarkable success. By the time the Nigerian Armed Forces finished shelling Odi from the land, the sea and the air there was not one building left standing there except for, interestingly, the local bank. The casualties in terms of human life were extremely high but the point was made and the objective achieved. From that point on the Niger Delta militants stopped killing policemen and soldiers right up until the time that Obasanjo left power.
Why can the same solution not be applied to the Boko Haram problem by the Jonathan administration today? What is the fear? Why should the same treatment not be meted out to any city or community in our country that grants the foot-soldiers of Boko Haram covert support, safe haven, sanctuary or shelter?
This is all the more important because they are not true Muslims or believers in God. Rather they are a cancer that must be identified, isolated and cut out of our body politic before they spread their terrible disease of hate, extremism, violence and intolerance throughout the federation and the reprisals begin.
That is what a strong, focused, resolute and purposeful government ought to do. Sadly we have not seen any such thing from our government. Instead what we have witnessed from them are a series of feeble and pathetic pleas for dialogue with the enemy and the shameful display of weakness, incompetence and insensitivity when faced with their terror. To make matters worse the National Chairman of the President's own ruling PDP, Alhaji Bamangar Tukur, recently declared that Boko Haram was ''fighting for justice''.
What a thing to say by an elder statesman. I really do wonder what type of ''justice'' he is referring to when churches are now being blown up virtually every Sunday morning all over the north and when thousands of defenceless Christians are being slaughtered on a daily basis.
Is that what the Chairman calls ''fighting for justice''. Are these the people that are denying Boko Haram their justice and that are denying them their rights? Are they the ones that killed their leader, Mohammed Yusuf, a few years ago?
Boko Haram started by targeting government institutions and security agencies with extreme and deadly violence but now they have graduated to killing the followers of Christ and they have made known their intention to wipe out Christianity in northern Nigeria and to stop Christians from peacefully worshipping their God. Is that the ''just cause'' that they are fighting for?
We must understand that Boko Haram, what they stand for and what they seek to establish is patently evil and that what they are doing represents the greatest threat to Nigerian unity since our civil war. They are not just a danger to Christians but to all true Muslims as well.
Real Muslims like Dokubo, Tukur and all the others that believe that Boko Haram are fighting a ''just cause'' would do better by trying to educate and enlighten their misguided islamist brothers.
They should advise them to stop the violence, to stop the slaughtering of Christians and true Muslims, to stop destabilising the Nigerian state, to stop trying to Islamise northern Nigeria, to stop trying to return our country to the dark ages of the 6th century and to stop trying to wage a global war of terror against the rest of humanity.
We as a people must not allow ourselves to be intimidated by their evil agenda and we must vigorously and courageously resist them no matter what it takes. No responsible and strong government would compromise or enter into negotiations with such barbarous and evil men that have so much blood on their hands.
To throw down the gauntlet and confront such evil is one of the major challenges of our time and it is a challenge that our government must not fail to rise up to in a fearless, vigorous and responsible manner.

A few home truths must now be told. We Christians take strong exception to the fact that literally hundreds of thousands of our fellow Christian brothers and sisters from all over the country have been brutally killed by Muslim fundamentalists in northern Nigeria over the last 50 years for no just cause.
The innocent blood of those people cries to God in heaven for vengeance and it gets louder and louder by the day. Boko Haram have said publically that they want the adoption of full Sharia law and the establishment of an Islamic fundamentalist state in all the northern states of Nigeria before they stop killing and bombing innocent people and spreading terror.

Yet the truth is that that will never happen as long as Nigeria remains as one nation and remains a secular state. And if Nigeria ever stops being a secular state then we will simply break it up and go our separate ways. It is as simple as that. No-one wants a full blown religious war but neither will anyone run away from it if it is foisted on us.
For how long can the people of the south and the Middle Belt sit by idly and watch silently as their own kith and kin that reside in the core north and their northern minority Christian brothers and sisters are subjected to nothing less than genocide and mass murder from the most ruthless and barbaric terrorist organisation that this country has ever known. I believe in restraint but is it humanly possible that we will be restrained forever?
Yet I believe that there is still hope and that a war can still be avoided. That hope lies in the speedy convocation of a Sovereign National Conference. That, in my view, is the only vehicle that can provide a lasting solution to the monumental challenges that we are facing in our country today, including the scourge of Boko Haram. I say this because whether we like to admit it or not, Nigeria is more divided today on ethnic and religious lines than it has ever been since our independence in 1960.
We should iron out all these issues at such a conference once and for all. These religious clashes and killings feature in the northern part of Nigeria alone and hardly in the south. In the south-west where I come from the Christians, the Muslims and the traditional worshippers are one and we treat each other with love, respect, understanding and sensitivity. We do not kill ourselves on account of our religious differences. That is simply our way and clearly many from other parts of Nigeria and indeed the rest of the world have a lot to learn from us.
My position is that if Nigeria cannot be built on a foundation of equality, equity and fairness for ALL her people, whether they be Christian, Muslim, northern, middle-beltern or southern, then we should reject the concept of a united Nigeria and we should begin to renegotiate the terms of our union.
I love this country and I would always be amongst those to defend and speak up for her unity but the truth is that there is absolutely nothing that is sacrosanct about the unity of the Nigerian state if we cannot live together in peace. As a matter of fact there has been a school of thought since 1914 when Nigeria was first created that it was an ''unworkable union'' and a ''cruel joke''.
Lord Frederick Lugard's vision, and indeed his intention, when he recommended the amalgamation of the northern and southern protectorates of Nigeria in 1914 was ably described and enunciated by his own very words when he said that the northern protectorate of Nigeria could be described as the ''poor husband'' whilst the southern protectorate could be described as the ''rich wife''.
He then pronounced the ''permanency'' of our forced union by saying- ''today we marry the two and our prayer is that this union lasts forever''. That is how the north and the south got ''married'' and that is how the famous amalgamation of 1914 came about.
The problem was that the two young spouses were never asked by their British masters whether they actually wanted to stay together, let alone get married. Worst still the ''poor husband'' was never given the opportunity to court woo or propose to the ''rich wife''. To make matters worse the two spouses came from different worlds, had different backgrounds, had a different religion, had a different history and had a different world-view.
Today the ''rich wife'' and the ''poor husband'' have suffered immensely in each others ''loving'' arms. The marriage has been strained and turbulent. We fought a brutal and avoidable 3 year civil war from 1967 in which we killed no less than 2 million of our own people.
Since1960 the story has been more or less the same and the tales of tragedy and woe have just continued to pour in. If it is not genocide, mass killings or sectarian butchery by groups like Boko Haram then it is always something else. Yet today's barbarism and mass killings are far more horrendous than ever and are far better planned, funded, orchestrated and executed by those that are behind them than ever before.
The question is how much longer can the ''rich wife'' and the ''poor husband'' give and take this sort of thing from one another? For how long can the centre hold before the voices of reason and restraint are completely drowned by the irrational, compulsive outrage that is gradually building up and the uncontrollable outcry for reprisals and revenge? For how long can our hope and fervent prayers prevent the dogs of war from being unleashed? May God save Nigeri a.
(THIS ESSAY WAS FIRST WRITTEN AND PUBLISHED IN 2011 AND IT WAS SLIGHTLY UPDATED IN 2012).

Kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls: Boko Haram releases new video


Islamist militants Boko Haram have released a video apparently showing about 130 girls kidnapped from a school in northern Nigeria on 14 April.
Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau said the children would be held until all imprisoned militants had been freed.
Interior Minister Abba Moro rejected the deal, telling the BBC that it was "absurd" for a "terrorist group" to try to set conditions.
Boko Haram abducted more than 200 girls and threatened to sell them.
The BBC's John Simpson in the northern city of Maiduguri says Boko Haram's comments show signs that the group is willing to negotiate.

Click to continue

Saturday, 10 May 2014

BOKO HARAM, JONATHAN AND THE NORTHERN ELDERS - Femi Fani-Kayode



BOKO HARAM, JONATHAN AND THE NORTHERN ELDERS
By Femi Fani-Kayode

On 4th May 2014, Abubakar Shekau, the leader of the military wing of Boko Haram, released a video tape with the following words. This was three weeks after abducting almost 300 girls from their school in Chibok and three days before abducting eight more young girls from Warabe Village, Borno state. He said:
"I am going to marry out any woman who is 12 years old, and if she is younger, I will marry her out at the age of nine. You are all in danger, I mean all of you. I am the one who captured all those girls and will sell all of them. I have a market where I sell human beings because it is All ah that says I should sell human beings. Yes, I will sell women, because I sell women. I captured and abducted girls in a Western school, and it became a worrying issue for all of you. You have forgotten that I have said that it is not only girls' education I am against. I am against everyone who attends a Western school. Girls should go and marry. Slavery is allowed in my religion, and I shall capture people and make them slaves. Don't think we are done yet because we are not. We are on our way to Abuja and we shall also visit the South. I am going to kill all the Imams and other Islamic clerics in Nigeria because they are not Muslims since they follow democracy and constitution. It is Allah that instructed us, until we soak the ground of Nigeria with Christian blood, and so-called Muslims contradicting Islam. We will kill and wonder what to do with their smelling corpses. This is a war against Christians and democracy and their constitution. Allah says we should finish them when we get them. In fact, you are supposed to wash and re-wash a plate Christian eats food from before you eat as Muslims. Are Christians the people we should play with? They killed us in Shendam, Zangon Kataf and other places. It is either you are with us or you are with them, and when we see you, we will harvest your neck with knife''.

These words are self-explanatory and they need no further analysis. They speak for themselves. It is self-evident that Mr. Shekau is not only a barabaric, dangerous, sadistic, delusional, homicidal, misogynistic, psycopathic and sociopathic paedophile all rolled into one but his words adequately reflect the sheer ruthlessness, callousness and depravity that the Haramite mind has degenerated to. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that this man is totally possesed by the most bloodthirsty and vampiric demons and that he has been sent from the hottest part of hell to torment and destroy our country. Even Al Qaeda, in all it's cruelty and wickedness, have apparently condemned the latest atrocity committed by Shekau and his merry group of islamist terrorists in Chibok.

Yet despite their utter depravity they appear to have a few powerful friends at home who are speaking for them, albeit in a very subtle and covert manner. Permit me to give just one example of such a group.

Instead of joining the rest of the civilised world and insisting that Boko Haram must be utterly crushed and their leaders eliminated, a group known as the Northern Elders have said that the Federal Government ''should pay billions as ransom to Shekau and release all detained Boko Haram members'' and that there must be ''no foreign forces in Nigeria". They have also demanded that ''force should not be used'' in securing the freedom of the abducted girls.

These demands and conditions are repugnant and instructive. The bitter truth about this whole matter is getting clearer by the day. It is the same people that did not want troops to be deployed to the area in the first place.
It is the same people that did not want a state of emergency to be declared in the north-east. It is the same people that have been urging the government to negotiate with Boko Haram for the last three years.
It is the same people that have consistently asked that Boko Haram should be treated with kid gloves and that they should be offered amnesty even when the islamist group have slaughtered no less than 10,000 innocent people in the last three years.
It is the same people that are suggesting that Boko Haram is actually a creation of the CIA, MOSSAD and the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN).
It is one of these so-called northern elders that referred to Boko Haram as ''freedom fighters'' who are simply ‘’fighting for justice’’ only last year. It is another that said that members of Boko Haram ought to be treated ''in the same way as the Niger Delta militants'' and that they should be rehabilitated, resettled and paid large sums of money only last year.

It is another that said that ‘’muslims should only vote for those that would protect their interests’’ and that he would see to it that ‘’sharia law is implemented and applied throughout the whole country’’ in 2001.

It is another that said that Nigeria was created by the British and granted independence by them in 1960 on the clear understanding that ''a northern muslim would always lead the country’’ in 1994. It is another that said that if the north does not have it’s way on the voting formula at the Constitutional Conference he would lead his people ''out of Nigeria and into the Camerouns’’ just over a month ago. It is another that said that they would make our country ‘’ungovernable’’ if a southerner was elected into power in 2011.

It is another that said, only a few weeks ago, that our country ‘’would burn’’ if Jonathan or any other southerner contests for the Presidential election in 2015. It is another that told us just last year that ''poverty was the root cause of Boko Haram'' and that the south was receiving too much money whilst the north was not receiving enough. How much more of these provocative rationalisations, threats and rhetoric can we be expected to take? Are we really one country?

Just three weeks after the Haramites have abducted almost 300 young school girls at Chibok, burnt down their school and kept them as sex slaves, just two weeks after two bombs have gone off in Nyanya, Abuja killing a total of 150 people between them and just three days after no less than 350 innocent people were slaughtered by the same islamist group in Gamborou Ngala, a border town with the Camerouns, these so-called northern elders are saying that force must not be used against them. This is insensitive and unacceptable and their suggestion must be treated with the contempt that it deserves.
I just do not know what it will take for the Nigerian people to accept the fact that Boko Haram is the greatest evil that our country has ever had to contend with since independence and that there can be no negotiation or dialogue with such demons. I just do not know what it will take for these so-called northern elders to accept the fact that evil is evil, that you must never negotiate with terrorists and that their ''gentle way'' simply cannot work.
The truth is that until every single one of the Haramites is hunted down, brought to justice and despatched to hell where they belong there will be no peace in our country. We must also eliminate their closet supporters who secretly encourage, fund and protect them because there can be no fellowship between light and darkness.
I have always viewed all those that have suggested that Boko Haram should be treated with kid gloves with the utmost suspicion. It is either that we live in a civilised country where the rule of law prevails, where beasts have no place and where murderous animals are treated like the savages that they are or we shall have no country at all.
All this talk about ''not using force'' must stop because it is nonsensical, it is counter-productive and it presents a very real threat to our desire to continue to live as one nation. Those that abduct, rape, kill, enslave and terrorise little girls deserve no mercy and they do not deserve to live.
Those that believe that the Haramites are rational or reasonable and that say that ''force should not be used against them'' should go to the Sambisi Forest and give up them their own daughters in exchange for our missing girls. After they have done that they can be as gentle as they like with Boko Haram.
In all this President Goodluck Jonathan has much to learn and I would be the last person to condone or endorse what I consider to be his inexplicable restraint and weakness in the fight against Boko Haram. Mr. President has failed woefully to protect the lives and property of the Nigerian people and no responsible, self-respecting and rational human being, including those that consider themselves to be his friends, should fail to admit this or should shy away from telling him so.

We expect far more and far better from him and if he fails to deliver on this he would not only have betrayed his mandate, violated his oath of office and let down the Nigerian people but he will play right into the hands of his sworn and collective enemies. If he fails to do this he would play right into the hands of the Haramites and their secret friends. In this respect Mr. Opeyemi Agbaje's words are instructive. On 9th May 2014 he wrote:
''we warned Jonathan. We called for action against Boko Haram and we screamed until our voices went hoarse. Now the people who advised him against taking strong action and called for dialogue, the very people that said it was caused by poverty, the very people that promised that traditional rulers would resolve the matter, the very people that encouraged him to vacillate and do nothing or little, are the ones mocking him. Well that is why leaders must exercise leadership. The buck stops at his table. The credit or the failure goes to him. I hope he learns!''
How true Agbaje's words are. Let us hope that our President does us all a favour and listens.

Boko Haram Blows Up Another Bridge


Suspected members of Islamist terror group, Boko Haram, yesterday blew up another bridge that links Borno and Adamawa States, according to a Nigerian military source as well as residents in the area.

The sources said members of the insurgent sect have continued their rampage in isolated towns in the northeast. Yesterday, Boko Haram militants also attacked residents of Limankara community in Gwoza local government area of Borno State, burning more than 300 houses. Limankara is in the southern part of Borno State, about 147 kilometers from Maiduguri.

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Friday, 9 May 2014

#BringBackOurGirls Protest, London Protesters Gathered Infront of Nigeria High Commission in London


Hundreds of people gathered in front of the Nigeria High Commission in London on Friday 9th of May 2014 to protest the abduction of 234 school girls in Chibok on the 15th of April 2014.
The various groups and organization cried for the release of the girls, protesters carry placard with different captions asking for the release of the abducted girls.

See pictures below